Why won't the internet work?

So, my sister is going to college (finally), and my folks went to her dorm to deliver her new computer. They ordered an HP. Yes, I, or my brother could have built one, but then I'd have to support it and every time something went wrong (hardware, software or anything user related) I'd be the first one to call. Not that that's a bad thing, but it means I'd have to be available to travel to her place and show her the correct way to use it. Oh, that and I would have put Ubuntu on it... That means I'd probably be getting lots of calls on "why won't `such-and-such` program install?"

Alright, I'm being a little hard on my sister. But that's mostly because I just called her to see how she liked the computer, and my dad was still there trying to get the Internet hooked up. Worse yet, the computer came with Norton installed on it. I don't think I've ever seen a program that so completely bricks a machine as Norton does so well. Not only do you have to figure out it's beefy interface and backwards feature list, you can't even disable it properly because when you do it stops you from connecting anything to the Internet.

Yes, yes, it's a security feature for all those people that would inadvertently disable it and never re enable before doing something dangerous. But from a technical phone support call it is a nightmare. The computer had grabbed an IP address, but would not connect to a webpage. Now, I have never attended this school my sister is attending. Better yet, I have never even used a computer on this campus, and the technology webpage is less than helpful in this endeavor. So the question arrives, is Norton blocking information, or does the local network administration need to allow the computer's MAC address to get to the Internet? Oh yeah, it's the weekend. No help coming from that end of the equation, so it's up to the roommate to help out. Good luck there.

Now, I've been using Linux for several years now, and I would never think of going back to a windoze world. Does Linux do everything right? Absolutely not. Do I always have faith in the update process when I run a simple `emerge -uavtDN world` hardly. Do I want to deal with the monopolistic tendencies and backward thinking retroactive software that the largest software company in the world uses while forcing you to purchase expensive licenses so you can view the latest version of bloated software that does nothing more than the same software released in 1994? (ok... exaggeration... 2001). I'd rather eat spoiled meat.

Here's the late breaking update from my sister's computer woes. There is a sign in the hallway (apparently with big red lettering) stating that to get the Internet to work, you simply log onto their proxy server to register your computer. The observation skills of my dad are amazing. No really, I would have thought the solution much more complex than that. Anyway, I shot him a quick email to do a speed test from my favorite place, and found out they have 386kbs up/down. Sounds like they restrict bandwidth per port. Can't say I blame them.
All this drama... and I didn't even leave my chair. Now, all I need to do is email my sister instructions for installing Mozilla FireFox, perhaps Open Office, and Gimp and she'll be well on her way. Perhaps I should get out of my chair... I see the sun is setting so my eyes won't be scorched out of their sockets from that fiery star in the sky.